


Just a Reflection of My Fear

by SSA_Arrowverse



Category: Arrow (TV 2012), Batwoman (TV 2019), DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV), Supergirl (TV 2015), The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Crisis on Infinite Earths Crossover Event (CW DC TV Universe), Episode: s06e09 Crisis on Infinite Earths: Part Three, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Kara Danvers Character Study, Kara Danvers Needs a Hug, POV Kara Danvers, idk what else to tag, there's more characters that i dont feel like tagging
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-22
Updated: 2019-12-22
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:34:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 604
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21892978
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SSA_Arrowverse/pseuds/SSA_Arrowverse
Summary: A reflection of what was, what is, and what will be.Or: What I imagined Kara’s thought process was at the end of/right after Part 3 of Crisis when I watched it the first time.
Relationships: Alex Danvers & Kara Danvers, Barry Allen & Kara Danvers, Kara Danvers & J'onn J'onzz | Hank Henshaw, Kara Danvers & Kate Kane, Kara Danvers & Lena Luthor, Kara Danvers & Sara Lance
Kudos: 26





	1. What Was...

**Author's Note:**

> The title is from 'Acceptance Speech' by Walker Hayes. Guys, Crisis is killing me…

_ For fifteen years, it was a refuge. Thirteen of those years, home. _

Earth wasn’t home.

It was just a shelter, a refuge.

Then Alex started warming up to Kara.

Then Alex became her sister.

Then Alex became home.

It became home.

Then Argo was found.

Then, what was Earth? What was Argo?

Which was home, which was an escape?

Kara left Earth. She chose Argo. Her mother. Mon-El.

She left J’onn, Winn, Lena, Sam, National City, Eliza, Alex. She left Alex. She left home.

But then life happened - Kara’s life happened - and she had to go back.

She went back, it became home again.

Earth was once again home.

_ For seventeen years, it was a refuge. For fifteen of those years, home. _


	2. What Is...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter has a slightly darker part...just a warning...i guess it's survivor's guilt in the form of a what-if suicidal thought? idk, im sorry.

Argo is gone.

Escape, home, escape, gone.

Earth is gone.

Refuge, home, gone.

Alex is gone.

Home is gone.

Kara’s in the Vanishing Point.

She has her ‘space dad,’ J’onn.

She has friends, Barry, Sara, Kate.

But Oliver, who died so this wouldn’t happen, Caitlin, Cisco, Brainy, Nia, other friends, just gone.

There’s that guy, Ryan Choi.

Then… there’s Lex Luthor, loss.

She has multiple reminders of her biggest fear, not Kryptonite, but loss. Abandonment.

Lex ruined what she had with Lena. Now she has nothing, because Lena is nothing. Because Alex is nothing. Because home is nothing.

Destroyed by a wave of anti-matter.

Her best friend, Lena, gone - but did Kara ever really have her to begin with?

Her sister, Alex, gone - but she didn’t have her at first, or last year.

Her home, Alex, Earth, obliterated.

Gone. Lost. Abandoned.

Kara was left behind, abandoned.

Why couldn’t she die with Alex?

She died, emotionally, a little when Alex forgot part of Kara, forgot why she was her home.

Then, Kara really died, and Alex remembered, so Kara lived. For Alex. For home.

And now, home is gone.

And now, she has to get back home. Get home back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> part three is about the future and idk what to write, so i might not add to this until Crisis Part 4 comes out...or maybe i'll go with my imagination/hopes? ahh, hope, what a weird concept.


	3. What Will Be...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well, here it is. i was watching Grey's Anatomy 4x02 and thought of this, idk. originally i was just going to write what i thought Kara's thoughts would be during Part 4, but i decided to put a little bit of hope - if anyone can call it that - and also hope that it fits what happens in the rest of Crisis, that way i didnt have to try and figure out any of the complicated parts of what's gonna happen.
> 
> hope you guys enjoy it.

Kara has to hope, she’s the Paragon of it, right?

So, she will hope. Maybe not right now, but in the future -

It’s ironic, how the Vanishing Point is for one, called the Vanishing Point, yet the seven beings currently there are the only beings of the Multiverse who  _ haven’t  _ vanished, and two, because it’s apparently outside of time, there is no “future” in the Vanishing Point.

\- she will hope.

She has to, if she wants to make things right with Lena, if she wants to have Eliza’s chocolate pecan pie again, if she wants to hear Brainy make a correction about a statistic that doesn’t really help whatever situation they’re in, if she wants Winn to return from the future (she’s trying not to dwell on the fact that there’s technically no ‘future’ anymore), if she wants to go to another game night, if she wants to have Alex back. Home back.

Sara’s the Paragon of Destiny, and she’s changed hers and Earth-1’s destiny time and time again (Kara’s hopeless state is making it a little hard to laugh at the pun), so Kara has  _ some _ hope that they’ll be able to change the destiny of the Multiverse.

So, Kara will go through the motions of whatever plan the six remaining Paragons - and, unfortunately, Lex - make so those wants become reality.

So, Kara will hope.

Kara will make things right with Lena.

Kara will have the best desert in the entire galaxy.

Kara will hear another hope-diminishing statistic.

Kara will see one of her best friends again.

Kara will go to another game night.

Kara will get Alex back. She will have Alex back. She will have her sister, her home back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and i actually finished a project for once, im proud. im also kinda proud of what i wrote. i hope you're able to recognize one of the themes of this fic. and i hope you enjoyed it.
> 
> if you want, feel free to give me prompts in the comments. i have 73 prompts (this being the 73rd) that i made myself, but i can't bring myself to complete any of them.

**Author's Note:**

> i dont know... hope you enjoyed?
> 
> also, i'd imagine that after everything Kara's been through, her biggest fear is abandonment. plus i have evidence:
> 
> 1\. in Supergirl 2x11 "The Martian Chronicles" Kara said, and i quote, "I've been abandoned before, and I didn't want to be abandoned again" to the White Martian when it was disguised as Alex.
> 
> 2\. in an interview with ET at Comic-Con 2017 (right before season 3), Melissa Benoist herself said "She probably has some abandonment issues."


End file.
